Start your potty training or toilet training journey

Boys vs. girls: what’s different?

From my experience with two children (one boy and one girl), I’ve noticed that toilet training boys can sometimes be a little more challenging.

After (lots) of research into it, I think I'm not alone in this observation. Other parents I've spoken with have noticed the same thing. Why? There are theories - boys often develop bladder control slightly later, they can be more easily distracted, or they simply approach the world with a different kind of energy. Whatever the reason, it's worth knowing going in.

This isn't a judgment. It's just a reality that might help you manage your expectations and your patience. If you're toilet training a boy and it feels harder than you expected, you're probably not doing anything wrong. You might just need more time, more patience, and more celebration for the small wins.

And that's completely normal.

Boys may simply need more time - that’s a common experience, not a reflection of your parenting. Be patient with the pace.

Using rewards the right way

Here's something I learned that genuinely transformed our toilet training: rewards work. But they work best when they're specific and consistent.

My recommendation? Have two different rewards. One for successfully using the toilet for a pee, and a different (usually bigger) reward for a poo. This helps your child understand that both are important, and it helps them differentiate between the two achievements.

What worked for us: Stickers

Our children could choose their own stickers. One sticker for a successful pee. Two stickers for a successful poo. They loved the choice and it made them feel in control. And the difference between one and two stickers sent a clear message: both matter, but this one took more courage.

What would work just as well: Celebration

If stickers, or other rewards, don't feel right for your family, don't stress. A clap for a pee and clapping plus jumping for a poo sends exactly the same message. The celebration doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. It just has to be genuine and consistent.

The Golden Rule: Rewards are for Success Only

This is crucial. Rewards are given only when your child successfully uses the toilet — not for sitting, trying, or waiting. It’s easy to slip outside this, but staying consistent is what helps learning stick.

This might sound harsh, but it's actually kind. It teaches your child that effort is valued (you'll celebrate their willingness to try), but success is what earns the reward. That's a lesson that will serve them well beyond toilet training.

And yes, there will be times when your child wants a reward without earning it. Stay consistent. They'll learn quickly.

Use two different rewards. One for pee, one for poo. This will help your child understand that both achievements matter.

Rewards should be given for success only, not for trying. This teaches your child about an important difference between effort and actual achievement.

Consistency makes all the difference

One important truth: toddlers are brilliant at spotting inconsistency - and they’ll absolutely use it to their advantage.

If one adult rewards success and another doesn’t, children notice immediately. Inconsistency teaches them different rules depending on who’s watching - and that slows progress.

This is why consistency matters so much. Not because you're being strict. Because consistency creates safety and clarity. Your child knows exactly what to expect, and they know that everyone in their world agrees on the same approach.

Before you start, brief everyone. Sit down with your partner, parents, a nanny, your daycare provider, whoever is in contact with your child. Talk to anyone who spends regular time with your child. Explain:

• What you're doing (starting toilet training)

• How you're doing it (the reward system, the celebration, the approach)

• What happens if there's an accident (calm, positive, no shame)

• What the rewards are and when they're given

Make sure everyone is on the same page. And yes, this takes time. But it will save you weeks of confusion and avoid any regression.

Ensure everyone in the child's life uses the same approach - it's important. Toddlers are experts at spotting inconsistency and will use it to their advantage.

Prepare for success

Let's be honest: toilet training can be exhausting.

You’ll be watching for signs, taking trips to the toilet, cleaning up accidents, celebrating wins, and encouraging effort. It’s a lot - and it’s normal to feel tired.

Here's my advice: set aside a weekend. Just one. Make it a special focus time.

And before that weekend, stock your kitchen with healthy, energy-giving foods that don't require elaborate preparation. You're not going to want to cook a three-course meal while you're managing toilet training. You're going to want quick, nutritious options that keep your energy up without adding stress.

Think:

• Easy proteins (eggs, cheese, yogurt, cooked meats)

• Fresh fruit and vegetables (pre-prepared works well)

• Whole grains and carbs

• Snacks that give sustained energy - bars etc.

You're fuelling yourself for a marathon, not a sprint. Eat well, stay hydrated, and be kind to yourself. Particularly after the child goes to sleep. It's easy to try and reward yourself, but only with things that are good for you!

Prepare yourself for toilet training by setting aside a focused weekend and stocking easy, nutritious foods. Consider your own energy and wellbeing throughout the process.

What to expect week by week

Toilet training often follows a pattern - although every child’s journey is unique:

The First Few Days: Excitement and novelty. Your child might be curious, willing, even enthusiastic. Celebrate this. It's wonderful. But know this: that novelty fades!

Week One to Two: The real work begins. Your child is learning to know the signals their body is sending. Some days will feel like progress. Some days will feel like you're starting over. You're not. You're building neural pathways and understanding.

Weeks Three to Six: This is where consistency pays off. Your child is beginning to understand the routine. Accidents might still happen here and there, but there's usually progress. Some days will feel like a breakthrough. Hold onto those days.

Months Two and Beyond: Your child is becoming more independent. They might start asking to go to the toilet themselves. They might even stay dry through the night (though that's a different milestone). Celebrate how far you've come.

Throughout the journey, accidents will happen. Stay calm, clean up, and move forward. Your child is learning something huge, and accidents are a normal part of progress — never a sign of failure.

Toilet training follows predictable stages over weeks and months. So, you can expect accidents throughout the entire journey as a normal part of learning, not a sign of failure.